| Okay all you kids out there who are lucky enough to | | | | mental torture and other fairy tales. |
| still be at school, here is the last and final word on | | | | The truth comes down to this - why are we trying |
| that old chestnut; the school uniform issue. Here is | | | | to make this poor kid wear stuff which makes him |
| your opportunity to finally come clean on all of the | | | | feel uncomfortable? Why are we insisting on paying |
| subterfuge currently enjoying exceptional world | | | | good money for regulation uniform when our kids |
| sympathy for a game which is as old as mankind | | | | have perfectly serviceable clothes hanging in their |
| itself. | | | | wardrobes? Perhaps we are clinging to the final |
| The truth of the matter is - and let us all understand | | | | frontiers of classroom discipline by trying to instil a |
| that nobody is more verbal and more passionate | | | | sense of pride in our respective educational centres. |
| about truth than a bunch of kids fresh from the | | | | Perhaps we are exercising a sneaky bit of superiority |
| classrooms and laboratories of our finest learning | | | | - after all, we had to wear a uniform and we are |
| institutions - is that it is all just another scam to get | | | | going to make sure our kids have to wear one, yes |
| to dress how the hell you want and not have to | | | | sir! I do not think so. We are doing it because we like |
| conform to crummy grey pleated skirts and dopey | | | | the way our kids look in uniform. |
| shorts and caps which make you look like a twerp. | | | | My child has attended schools where a uniform policy |
| Right? | | | | was not in force. She subsequently attended a school |
| Well even if you hotly disagree with that statement, | | | | where the uniform code was extremely strict and |
| the fact is we have all been in high school at some | | | | admittedly she hated having to don a blazer and tie |
| stage in our admittedly distant development and we | | | | each morning. She hated having to change out of her |
| have all slunk into the bathroom to roll over the | | | | uniform as soon a she got home and hang it up so |
| waistband of a cruddy, scratchy, over warm skirt or | | | | that it was ready for wear the following day. But my |
| pick holes in a pair of sixty denier tights so we might | | | | goodness she looked terrific in her crisp white shirt |
| not have to wear them to school the next day. | | | | and regulation tie. |
| For boys the problem can be even more distressing. | | | | A uniform is a pain in the you know where for |
| You take a lad with sticky out hair, a crop of angry, | | | | parents as well as for the wearer, you know. Half |
| hormone fed pimples and elbows which project at | | | | the stuff you need may only be purchased at |
| impossible angles to the rest of his body. Put him in a | | | | designated school stores where the prices charged |
| pair of branded loafers or trainers, with slope hip | | | | are way above a reasonable profit margin, you have |
| jeans, shades and a hoodie and he will look semi cool, | | | | to ensure you have enough shirts to last a school |
| transformed into someone to be reckoned with by | | | | week and spare ties so that if one gets lost you |
| cruel playground mafia - especially if he has a face | | | | have one in reserve, and you spend half your life |
| piercing to match the rest of the outfit. Put him in a | | | | ironing in pleats, trying to get grass stains out of |
| pair of neatly pressed school trousers, a blazer with a | | | | sport kit and fretting if your child comes home |
| badge and a school cap and he will look - actually - | | | | without the school scarf you paid a fortune for and |
| dorky. He will also feel dorky; a walking | | | | which you forgot to name tag. Yet, truthfully, we still |
| advertisement for adolescence. And that is the point | | | | like to see our kids in uniform and not wearing the |
| all you champions of free fashion in schools are trying | | | | ragbag of outfits they seem to enjoy wearing on |
| to make. Right? | | | | weekends. |
| So let us drop the nonsense about freedom of | | | | So, sorry kids, you seem to be stuck with it for a |
| expression, violation of human rights and all that | | | | few more years. |
| other silly affected rubbish about uniforms causing | | | | |